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The Transition House, Inc.

Tips for moving past an affair in your marriage

affair-marriageInfidelity can rock a marriage to its core. An estimated 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and many of those divorces happen after an individual has had an affair. But not every couple who experiences this difficulty in their relationship chooses to get a divorce. Moving past an affair can seem impossible; your heartbreak and disappointment for your partner can be overwhelming. It is possible, though, with the right amount of counseling and effort of both parties involved, you can rebuild trust and the foundation you built your marriage upon. We’ve got a few tips below for moving past an affair in your marriage.Counseling makes the difference

Whatever events may have led your spouse to an affair, there’s typically is underlying issues within a marriage that cause a spouse to cheat. Seeking outside help can be a positive step in your relationship. Marriage counseling can help you put an affair into perspective, figure out your common goal (which might be avoiding divorce), and will give you the necessary tools to move forward. Counseling can help your rebuild your relationship. A third party perspective is often needed in situations like this. Hurt feelings and name calling are easy to default to when arguing – the counselor will be able help keep things civil and fair.

It’s hard work, but worth it

Be accountable and take responsibility for your actions if you are the one who has cheated. Rebuilding trust is not easy. Make a plan that will restore trust – there is not a time frame for re-building trust, so patience is key. If you were unfaithful, it’s important to be honest, and even though it might seem counterintuitive, give details when your spouse asks for them. The more open and honest you are about your transgressions, the easier it will be to gain forgiveness. On the other hand, learning of your spouse's actions can be difficult, but getting things out in the open will help your communication, and in the long run, your trust.

Look to the future

It can be destructive for a relationship to live in the past. Once you have worked on your relationship and have seen a counselor, look to the future with your partner. Remember why you entered into the commitment of marriage with your partner. There is always room for growth. Keep an optimistic outlook on your relationship and keep working to improve it everyday.

If you have any questions about marriage counseling or the services we offer at TTHI Counseling Center, reach out to us! We’re here to help!

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